so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Randomize
