Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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