i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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