normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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