I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
