dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
