when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
