Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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