You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
