Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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