Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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