it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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