My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
