T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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