He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
