You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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