she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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