when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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