Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
