i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
