I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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