Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize