I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
