dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize