He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
