shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
