Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
