i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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