his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
