do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize