Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
