Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
