just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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