I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
