I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
