first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
