She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
