wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
