You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
