the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
