I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
