from now on my penis is your penis
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I need a beard to bite.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
