how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
