I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
