I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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