You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
