I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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