This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize