There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
