So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
