he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
