I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
