I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
