Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Randomize
