dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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