I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
