So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
