If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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