I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
