i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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