Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
