Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
