I should be sponsored by Trojan
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
