I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
