GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
