:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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