My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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