you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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