and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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